Inside Clive Palmer's Trumpettes of Patriots Party

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Inside Clive Palmer's Trumpettes of Patriots Party

Independent Australia
26 Feb 2025, 11:30 GMT+10

In an exclusive Independent Australia report, following is the transcript from the groundbreaking marketing meeting that kicked off Clive Palmers latest political extravaganza, Trumpettes of Patriots, launched with 25 million, resplendent, yellow vuvuzelas.

* CAMPAIGN MANAGER (CM): Okay lads, so, bloody Matt in accounting forgot to lodge the papers to register UAP in time.

Also, the Titanic-style ads arent cutting it anymore. So we needed to come up with a new party name. Something that's not only catchybut will capture the average Australians attention, appeal to the cookers and nut jobsandsuck up Trumps arse.

And it's brilliant! It's... wait for it ...Trumpet of Patriots!

Now, we also need a new theme. Remember, we dont want to win.Uncle Chaiman Clive doesnt want to go through that shit again sitting in Parliament for days on end. We just need enough votes to get our money back and make sure Dutton gets in.

So, only non-negotiables for the theme are that were sticking with yellow,it cant be very long or that moron Babet wont be able to remember it,and it must have the flag on it.

Any takers?

* WORK EXPERIENCE KID 1 (WE1): For an emblem, how about a Tasmanian Devilorkangaroo, or an emu?

CM:No, done before, too Aussie.

* WORK EXPERIENCE KID2 (WE2): Well how about a didgeridoo?

CM:Nah, too Indigenous, can't have that.Bloody hell, how did you get in here?

WE1:What about a slouch hat and some ANZACS with guns?

CM:Nah, done to death and also copyright issues.

WE1:That's never stopped us before...

WE2:I've got it! Nothing says "Australian patriot" more than an African lion blowing a South American vuvuzela!

WE1:Except it's not a vuvuzela, we call it a "TRUMPet"!

WE2:Yep.And we add some Latin, like a label across it. That shit makes everything look serious. Whats the Latin for Trump is King?

CM:I like it, thats bloody Aussie as! Okay, WE1, run it through that bloody chatbot AI thing we bought and see what it comes up with. Youve got til lunch to get me a mock-up. The press conference is next Wednesday.

WE2 you get that printer in China on the blower and tell him to get ready for about 50,000,000 yellow corflutes. Ask him if hes got a vuvuzela supplier as well.Were going to need 25,000,000 units of those, at least.Not paying more than twocents for each though delivered. Get a quote.Must be yellow.

Ill ring Uncle Chairman Clive and get approval. If Babet rings, tell him Im out of the office and give him nothing. If old Ralphy-boy tells Pauline what were up to were screwed.We dont need the redhead copying us. Shed stand out like dogs balls with a dead lion draped over her surprised she hasnt thought of it before.

Anyway, get one of the front office girls to send Babet some crayons and that Trump colouring-in book he likes as a distraction. Works every time. Make sure the crayons are safe to eatthis time, though,please?

Good work boys, you are all excellent Patriots of the Trumpet, the UAP is dead. Now get to work!

* The names of the former UAP campaign manager (now executive campaign manager for Trumpet of Patriots) and the two local Year 12 work experience kids who attended the meeting have been withheld to protect the innocent.

Darren Crawfordis a surfer, environmentalist, sports coach/administrator and academic. He is also vice president ofSave Our Spit Alliance.You can follow Darren@Darrencanplay.